"When God is involved, anything can happen. Be open and stay that way. God has a beautiful way of bringing good vibrations out of broken chords."
~ Chuck Swindoll~
This is such a true statement, and one that I didn't come to understand easily. When I was 16, we discovered that my mom had a chemical imbalance that caused her to be paranoid and schizophrenic. I won't go into a lot of detail (for reasons of space, and that my fingers would fall right off if I typed that much) I'll just say that my straight laced, modest, music teacher mom ended up in trouble with the authorities and eventually ended up in a mental hospital, actually 4 within a years time. Also, she and my dad were separated when this came about, and the divorce was final right after we discovered this.
I can't even begin to describe some of the horrific things that we (my younger sister & I) endured during the time that her illness was at it's worst. At one point though, I will tell you, it got so bad that we had to take action and have her committed. There was no other choice. It was for her safety and everyone around her. I can't describe how hard it is for a 16 year old girl to sit as her mother begs and pleads for her not to do this as I am telling the judge through my sobs why we need this done.
Keep in mind, we live in a VERY small town. My mother was the music teacher at the school. EVERYONE knew what was going on, including every single person in our school, and all were not kind with their words.
My mother still refuses to take her medication, but only by the grace of God is she doing some better. She is unable to work a public job. Her attention span is very short. She carries on a normal conversation on most days, with only minor references to "off the wall" things. She does live by herself. Which is a blessing, since anyone living with her would have to be committed themselves after a VERY short period of time!!!
I tell you all of that to say this, I don't know why God gave me this to bear, but I do know that through this I have developed such faith in Him. I know that without him carrying me, there are times I wouldn't have made it. He has made me strong. He has made the bond my sister & I share unbreakable. And He will give me strength to bear what is to come.
Through my mother's illness, I have learned to take people as they are, and know that everyone has their reasons for being that way. I don't know what is going on in their homes, in their hearts. People who know my sister & myself but not my mom, can't believe it when they meet her. Most will never know what we have overcome in our lifetimes, most will never know what we continue to go through on a daily basis, but my God knows and only He knows why.
I am 31 years old now, my mom as I once knew & loved her has been gone for 15 years now. That's half my life. I can't help but miss her the way she once was. But I know that I am better for all I have endured.
"God has a beautiful way of bringing good vibrations out of broken cords."
18 comments:
Bless your precious heart, you are definitely an overcomer. God loves you very much.
God loves to make beautiful things out of something that the devil wanted to use to destroy you....you are an inspiration!
Blessings
To be able to say you are a better person for what you endured is a testimony to His grace. Having worked in mental health field, my hat is off to the families who survive. Blessings to you. Thank you for sharing your story.
There is so much we will never know on this side of heaven, but man, won't we have some questions when we see Jesus? You are to be commended for taking care of your Mom in the only way possible. Tough love is just that...tough! But God will give us the strength to keep going on. I love this verse and quote it often, "Because of God's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23. This I know is true!
What a story to share...we have two people in our family who is diagnosed schizophrenia, one my nephew who is younger than me cannot live on his own well. I really feel for you but your story of God's grace is amazing. I know dealing with this as a young teenager had to be so hard but you know God will use it for His glory in one way or another. Thank you for sharing.
OH my goodnes - what a story.
I know that I don't really know you but I do know what "small town" living is like and can I just say I think you are amazing!
TO come through something so personal that I'm sure ended up being very public (being in a small place) with so much grace and faith is unbelievable!
YOU don't know how much you have encouraged me this day!
IN HIM -
Mindy
Bless you for all your have been through. Thank you for sharing your story. I had tears in my eyes and can relate. May the Lord bless you this week and always.
In his endless love,
Angel ( Angel Mama Pearls of Wisdom)
Dealing with mental disability is a stressful, exasperating thing. So many people are ignorant about it and, as a result, are intolerant, judgmental, and make inappropriate assumptions. Thank you for posting about your experiences -- and your mother's struggle -- as your post will help enlighten others.
Thanks for sharing. I hear your heart and understand, schizophrenia and bi-polar have touched our lives as well. Some of the hardest things to deal with are people who just don't understand mental illnesses and think the person can just "snap" out of it.
I can't even imagine what you went through. God has done some amazing work in your life to make the broken chords a song. I pray that you will be used to minister to others because of the trials you went through. Thanks so much for sharing.
Wow. What test in your testimony. I can't imagine the heartache you've been through and still experiece even today. God bless you and your dear mother this Mother's Day week.
You know, I read this before work this morning and started a comment then, but just didn't know how to say what I wanted to...and I'm still not sure that I do. You've had WAY more to deal with than many, or any, of us would guess just from reading your blog...your sunny disposition just shines through and I know that is from God. Thanks for being an 'overcomer.' Your strength is obvious...and I am grateful.
Thank you for sharing this post with us. Many in my family struggle with bipolar. And I mean many. It is so difficult, and sad to watch something that has a real control over someone you love like a mental illness does. I used to be a social worker for people with Severe mental illnesses, most of which were Schizophrenics, and, oh my gosh, you are right, the personality is a complete switch. I'm so glad you have those 15 years of memories before! And, I'm proud of you and your sister for getting your mom the help she really needed.
Take care,
Amy
Thank you all for your kind words. This was a really hard post for me to type. I typed it all out, then cried. Thank you for all the sweet comments! God bless you all!
I'm a little late, and I am sorry for that but things were pretty busy yesterday- I just didn't have a chance to check blogs..
Thank you for sharing something so deep and personal. Sometimes when I (we) read people's blogs, we see just the shiny, pretty side of things...We forget that we are reading about real people who deal with real issues and traumas in their lives!
You have been through much, but God is keeping you shiny and pretty through it all! I am very thankful your mother has overcome so much- she is now living alone rather than in an institution and is a semblance of her old self, even though she will never be exactly the same- what a blessing to be able to have a tiny part of her back!!! :)
I have known you for about 15 years now and I know that I have not seen the half of it, but I have seen you go thru alot. I have always admired you and C for all you have done for your mother.
Thanks for sharing such a personal part of your life. It's always encouraging to hear other people's stories and how they have come through tough times.
I love how you ended this post. It is so true that God can bring beautiful things out of even the worst of circumstances. And shape our character to make us stronger in the process.
What a beautiful post that is so transparent of what has made you the person you are today. You are an overcomer, like so many have said, and this just touched my heart in so many ways. Thanks for sharing this.
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