....Okay, so I have been asked so many times by my blog lurkers to tell the story about the neighbor who stands in his yard with no clothes on. So, here goes!
A few years ago I was mowing our yard, which at that time we lived very close to the road. (since that time we have built a house and can barely see the road from our house...a truly wonderful development!) Also at that time, my brother in law lived across the driveway from us but was actually in Florida going to school and he wasn't home much, so we got stuck, I mean, we lovingly mowed his yard for him.
Anyway, I had finished up with our side of the yard and started on my brother in law's side when I noticed my neighbor standing out in his yard. I didn't really pay that much attention to him, but I did notice that he had on navy blue work pants and a shirt. I know for a fact that I noticed this, because after making a few rounds, I realized that something was missing. The navy blue work shirt and pants....and everything else that goes under them!
Now, this neighbor lives kind of up the hill from where I was at the time, maybe 100-150 yards away, and I don't have the best vision in the world, so I thought maybe I was seeing things. I didn't have to turn my head to look when I made my turn and went up the yard, so I glanced that way a few times but I still just could not believe my eyes!
So, I circled around and went back to my house and stopped at the back door, the neighbor couldn't see my back door from where he was, left the mower running and went in for my binoculars. You see, I am not some sicko, but I just had to know if I was hallucinating or not (keep in mind my Mom....she tends to see things that aren't there)
I hung my trusty binoculars around my neck and continued mowing until I got to where I could see him again. He was still there. So, I put them to my eyes and low and behold he was as naked as a jaybird, and I'll let you guess just what he was standing there doing.
BUT! When that freako saw my binoculars, he turned his naked white rear end around and ran for the garage! I felt sure I would never have to worry about him doing it again, because when he did that I just KNOW he & everyone else in the neighborhood could hear me laugh! I called to tell my husband about it, and of course, he thought I was nuts!
But, one day I came home from work to see the freako out in his yard in his birthday suit again and when I pulled up in my driveway to find my husband outside working on his tractor, I made sure to point out to him that he should check out the neighbor. I thought my husband would faint right then & there. He didn't just put on his little show for me,...he did for my husband too!
Since that time, I have heard of several times this man has shown himself to people in public. He is married and has 2 grown children. His wife evidently chooses to keep her head in the sand or she is THE most naive human on the planet! I mean, he's in the FRONT yard for crying out loud!
I tried to get my husband to sneak up a tree with a paintball gun one day while I mowed the yard but he wouldn't do it and he wouldn't let me do it either. Luckily, we can no longer see his house from our yard, and I don't EVEN glance in that direction when I leave my driveway!
FYI.....We live on a road that is 1 mile long. It makes a big circle around to a main highway. In this one mile stretch we have the naked freako, 2 registered s*e*x offenders, a veteran who has flashbacks and wanders the neighborhood, and the veterans brother in law who gets drunk and threatens to shoot the veteran on a regular basis, and the town drunk. And all of this developed AFTER we moved here. Now you see why I carry a gun? ..........(there are also several very nice people on this road.....I would advise them to carry a gun as well) Thankfully, the daughter of one of our local sheriff's deputies just moved into our neighborhood, so I'm hoping for better patrolling of our road. (If you're lurking, and know the deputy I speak of...feel free to pass this tidbit of info along! it's the deputy who nails all the 4 wheeler riders & lives on the brow)
This Saturday’s Recipes by The Pioneer Woman
6 years ago
14 comments:
That's just freaky. There used to be a guy here who would do that at one of the Hallmark stores closeby. Just expose himself and 'guess what' there too, then when I saw him, he'd turn his back or try to hide...and I saw him there more than once! DUH??!! That store is closed now...I can't imagine I was the only one that ever saw him and I'm wondering if that guy didn't have something to do with why it closed...what store owner would want their customers having to deal with that??
You're so funny when you tell a story..the binoculars were hilarious!
All I can say is...Oh My!
I have to tell, I snickered when you wrote how you wanted your husband to shoot him with a paintball gun, and wouldn't let you either! My husband would have been more than happy to do it for you, and if we ever come to visit you, he'll take care of it for you ( and no one needs to know about the paintball sniper except you, me, and the rest of the blog world) ;) hehehehehe
ALl I can do is just shake my head...........there are no words for this.....
God bless you and your family for being a light in your neighborhood.
Okay now the small town girl in me is coming out in me. I am trying to drive down your road in my head and think of who all lives down there......there is only one that I can think of, and I HOPE it is not him! As far as the deputy's daughter....is it #1, 2 or 3 daughter that is moving close by? Have a great day!
Oh. my. goodness....
The fact he caught you with binocolars, just amazed me and that he came out again.
shaking my head.
What a story!!!! That is the funniest thing I have read in a while! Thanks for sharing!!!
ROFLOL!!! I love the paint ball idea!!
Hi,
I linked over from 5 minutes for mom's and I love your blog! I have been reading it for a few weeks and I had to comment on this post. This was so funny and I am sure I would have thought of the paintball gun. That was great!! I laugh because your neighborhood sounds like my friends neighborhood. We live in East Tennessee and he tells of weridos in his neighborhood all the time. You all sound like you live in the same area. I hope and pray the "freako" keeps his clothes. His wife, well she needs to come out of denial and do something. Maybe you could let her borrow your paintball gun. :o)
Blessings,
Patty
I can't decide what is funnier, the naked guy or you and your binoculars!! I am rolling!
:))
Sounds like we moved away from the neighborhood just in time. I'm with The Preachers Wife, I can just picture you on the lawnmower with the binoculars aroung your neck.
Ewwww....pervy pervertson! Warn your kids! That is just a scary thing. Ick!
Okay you just made me laugh my head off! Some people are just sick and wrong!
Too funny! My neighbor would go out to feed his ferrets all nudey. We ran into each other one evening...now that was strange! lol!!
Okay, you are seriously cracking me up. I came by way of The Wooden Porch. I can't wait to read more of your blog.
Now about you and the binoculars. I thought it was funny that you left the mower running, was that to make the perv think you were still mowing? I love the paintball idea. I can't believe your dh wouldn't go for it. :)
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