Be still.....

This week will be the beginning of a chapter in my life I hoped never to repeat. I know that God has His hand on this situation, I know that HE is in charge, yet I am afraid. I've been here before. I know how hard it is, how hard it is going to be, ........and I know that it must be done. I feel that I should give you some background here, not because I want pity, but because I want your prayers,..... I beg for them, and I want you to understand the urgency behind my request.

I have mentioned my mom here before, I have mentioned her mental illness, but never before have I went into detail on the subject. Very few people in my life have even known the details involved with her disease. So, here goes.

When I had just turned 16, my mom and dad were starting divorce proceedings. At this time they were still living together. One night my mom woke my sister and I and my grandmother, who had suffered a stroke and was living with us at the time, in the middle of the night. When we got into the car she told us that my dad was in the mafia and we were going to be killed. We got on the interstate and headed for my aunt's house about an hour away. At one point I remember coming up behind two cars on the interstate that were traveling side by side, mother went between them. Yes, between them on the interstate.

When we got to my aunts house, she made us wash our feet in bleach because she thought my dad was drugging us through our shoes. She made my 80+ grandmother do this too. We all had big blisters from the bleach. She had convinced herself that we had been followed and made my sister and I sit on her lap because she didn't think they would kill her if we were between her and them. At one point she was convinced that someone was coming through a large window in the front, and I can remember kneeling in the floor with the phone, and being so terrified that I was throwing up while dialing 911. Then she shot a gun through the ceiling. The police came and checked around the outside of the house, but of course, found nothing.

The next day we convinced her to go back home, but we still were unsure what was going on so we didn't say anything to my dad. He worked crazy hours and didn't notice we weren't there. The next night my sister, my best friend and I left to go to the bonfire at school. It was homecoming weekend. My mom and grandmother left to go visit a cousin.

Around midnight we got a call from my uncle. My mom was in jail in a city about an hour away. She had apparently been speeding and when the cops tried to pull her over, she wouldn't stop. She thought they were helping my dad try to kill her. They finally got her stopped by shooting her tires out. When they got to the window she wouldn't roll it down. They could see a pistol and a 22 rifle in the car. It's a wonder she and my grandmother weren't killed! My grandmother was finally able to get her door unlocked while mother was distracted and they got her out. ( I can't imagine how scared she must have been!) They dragged mother out and laid her face down on the ground to handcuff her. She wouldn't give them our home phone number and my grandmother could only remember my uncle's.

She was put into a state run mental facility instead of jail. It was obvious to the police that she was having some sort of mental breakdown.

We found out that she is paranoid and scitsofrentic (sp?). After that hospital stay she took meds for a while, then decided she didn't need them. There were several more episodes including, her stealing a car, breaking in to numerous houses because she thought we were being held there, and leaving in the middle of the night walking. She was violent when she had her episodes. She had several more hospital stays. At one point we had to have her committed. By this time the divorce was final and this was pretty much left up to me and my sister. I was 16, she was 14. We had to have a hearing before the judge, with her present for this to happen. I can still hear her begging me not to do this, her saying to Crystal, please don't let her do this to me......like it was something I wanted to do.

Anyway, to make a long story not quite as long, she did okay for several years. This was by the grace of God, I know. She has gotten progressively worse over the past year or so and my sister and I have done everything we know to do short of having her committed again. We need help! Desperately! So, this week we have an appointment with a judge to see what our options are. My only wish for my mother is for her to have a relatively normal life. To be able to enjoy her grandchildren (which I don't leave her alone with for one second!!)

When I was a little girl I remember her playing the piano so beautifully. She even taught music at several schools. There was always someone at our house taking music lessons. And for her to go from that, to the sad existance she has now, breaks my heart beyond belief. She is a 53 year old child that my sister and I have been raising for almost 17 years.......I have now taken care of her, for longer than she took care of me.

So, all that to say this. We need your prayers. Urgently. Like I said, I know God has His hand on this situation....He always has. He blessed my sister and I with wonderful, UNDERSTANDING husbands, loving inlaws, and a stepmother that I can never express my gratefulness for. Don't get me wrong it was hard for a long time! She had one VERY angry stepdaughter on her hands for a few years, but she handled that with strength and grace and I am so thankful that my children have her as their Gran.

But........there are just sometimes a girl needs her mother. Like when she has her babies, gets married, or just needs to ask a general question about life, and my mother, as I knew her, left when I was 16. I would love to just get a little piece of that back.

This weekend I was driving over to moms in tears, dreading what I would find when I got there when He sent me a message through song: Be still........and know,...I am God.

So, I ask you, (if anyone is still reading this) to please help us pray for a positive outcome this week. I'm sorry this post got so long and scattered. I guess this is what it means to say that blogging is like therapy. This one was more for me than anyone else....

A Burning Question.....

...so I just finished watching the 10 O' clock news and saw this urgent news story. A Huntsville police officer was caught on tape taking a tinkle behind a dumpster. The surveillance tape made it on to YouTube (according to the story it has now been removed but it is on Channel 19 website). Anyway I'm wondering what you think about it.....The dumpster was shielded on both sides and his back was to the camera while he did his "bidness" (yes, they showed the video to the tune of "Bad Boys Bad Boys"...lol) then he casually checked out the area as if that's the reason he stopped at that location......

so my burning question to you is.....

If the pokey gotta go pee pee.....is it okay to do it behind a dumpster?

I'm a country girl, and I'm thinking it's not the end of the world as long as its in a secluded area....but that's just me!


Either way I'm thinkin' this guy might be rethinking his decision!! How embarrassing!!

Catching Up...

I haven't blogged in a week? Whew! Time flies!! Anyway, this week was Vacation Bible School at our church so it's been a pretty busy week. We had such a good time! I helped in the Babies-3 year old class and these kids are just plain adorable..........even when they aren't acting so "adorable"! They all get along great except for the occasional push or smack! Carter had a blast and just loved going to "Bible skooool" every night!

Wednesday night was a night there were many prayers answered, including one of my own! My sweet niece, Rachel (8 yrs), was saved!! This is something Rachel's mom and dad, family (including myself), and pastor had been praying about. God is so GOOD!!! There were also three others that I know of saved that night!!! Please pray that God will continue to move in our church and that we as workers, members, parents, aunts, etc can recognize when He is calling us to move on His behalf.

This next tidbit is in no way related to VBS other than the fact that knowing my niece as I do, I know that she would be terribly disappointed if I didn't share this with you.......

.....I went to Walmart Thursday.


No, that's not the whole story. Even though with a 2 month old and a newly 2 year old Maniac Rambo toddler it very well could be.


Anyway, I had Lilah in her car seat in the child seat part of the buggy and Carter was riding in the front of the buggy. I could only see Carter from the chest up because the infant seat is so massive. I had meandered around the store, out through the garden center casually looking at the plants, patio furniture, grills (since we now need a new one), chatted with a few people I knew, including a store employee who attends our church(remember this for later), and someone who used to work with my hubs who I haven't seen in ages.


As I made my way back down the main isle of the store, I noticed I was getting some strange looks. Finally, I glanced around the seat to see Carter in his shirt.......and NOTHING ELSE! His shorts and shoes were thrown carelessly in the buggy beside him.

Great.


I laughed. I couldn't help it. No matter how much of a loser I looked like at the moment it was funny. At church that night I asked the girl who works there if he'd had his clothes on when we talked to her. She said "yeah they were on when we were talking, but I noticed that when you came back through he just had on his shirt and diaper.". Hmmmm.......I hope he had his pants on when I was talking to the person who used to work with my husband.


Great.

I have no idea when he took them off.


Did I mention that he turned two?


Sunday?


We are wasting no time getting into those "Terrible Twos"!



And! On another entirely different note:


A wonderful christian young man in our area has been chosen for the reality TV show on the Gospel Music Channel called Gospel Dream. His name is Jeff Hawes. His mom is one of my mom's oldest and dearest friends and she is totally one of my favorite people in the whole entire world. I love Jeff dearly as well. He is incredibly talented and did fabulous last Sunday night when the show aired it's first episode. I'm including a link to the website where you can check out his performance and vote! Please click over and show Jeff some love and then tune in this Sunday night to the Gospel Music Channel at 8 PM CST to check out the next episode. Last weeks show was great! I promise, you won't be disappointed!
Are ya'll keeping up? This scattered, jumbled thought process I'm calling a post is how my brain is currently working. "Baby Brain", I believe, is the commonly used term that describes this brain fog I am currently muddling through. Bear with me.

One last thing! I will leave you with a Photoshow of my babies, because I know you haven't seen enough pics of them lately....ha! AND! I seem to be on a roll because this is definitely going to be one of my longest posts EVER!

Go ahead. Call me an overachiever.

In a brain fog.

This could be dangerous.

Just Hangin' Out....

No need for explanations here.... (do check out what the shirt says....yeah, right!)

6 Week Checkup

(well, actually 7 weeks tomorrow)........and 5 shots!!! OUCH! Poor, sweet Lilah, the one who never ever cries, has really gotten her little feelings hurt today! Bless her little heart! She has cried off and on all day long. I think she cries every time she thinks about it! Carter didn't like it either, I thought he was gonna go after the nurse while she was giving the shots!....You know how fast they give them, he couldn't understand why she just kept on and on even though Lilah was crying so hard!

Other than that, she is super healthy...weighing in at exactly 10 pounds! Isn't it amazing how fast they grow?

p.s.....I have a question for ya....the bows in the hair.....where exactly do they go? I mean, in the center, on the side,....where?? The girl's got no hair to speak of, so I'm sticking them to her head, but they look funny to me wherever I stick them.....so, please,...HELP!!

The Beloved Ottoman...

...When we were building our house, I had the furniture on layaway for months before the house was finished. When it was finally finished and we were ready to move in, the furniture store delivered it while I was at work one day. 2 couches and 2 recliners for the living room area plus dining tables, chairs...etc, etc...

Anyway, my husband called me at work and said, "why did you buy all this stinkin' furniture? we don't have room for all of it." I said, "yes we do, I measured. I'll show you when I get home." Well, at my previous job I worked crazy hours and didn't have a chance to show him my "vision" for the furniture for a few days...all the while he complained and complained and complained about how much I'd gotten.

Meanwhile, I had to go to Boaz one day for work reasons and stopped in at Trees N Trends on my way home,...because you just can't go to Boaz (or Huntsville) without going to that store. You just can't. That's when I saw it. The ottoman. The same one I'd seen months and months ago and fallen in love with but didn't buy it because it was way to much. They only had one. It was marked 75% off. Just for me........

My husband nearly died when I came home that day with that huge ottoman crammed into my VW......"don't we already have enough furniture??? Where is THAT gonna go???" Oh ye of little faith!

Well, we did get the furniture arranged, true to my "vision", and everything did fit perfectly, but never did that beloved ottoman...the one who waited so patiently for all those months to be put on clearance, to be jammed in the back of my VW, and have our feet propped up on it countless times,....never has that beloved ottoman gave me greater pleasure than it does lately...........

.......I think their daddy is even pretty sold on it's new use!

Hangin' Tough....

....was my favorite! My favorite what you ask? Well, if you happened to be a young teenage girl in the late 80's early 90's, it's not a question you'll have to ask! If you weren't, it was my favorite song by a little group known as New Kids On The Block. My favorite member of the group was Donnie....I always was a sucker for a bad boy! (although my parents are relieved that I didn't marry one!..lol)

Anyway! The New Kids (who must be kinda old now) are staging a reunion tour and are giving a preview on the Today show this Friday. Now, some of you may know that I no longer watch the Today show since they went and replaced Katie with that Meredith woman. I did, however, recently decide to give them another shot only to discover that they had added Kathy Lee to the show.....what in the world are they thinking over at NBC???

Anyway, I did hear about the NKOTB reunion there, so they can't be all bad, I guess....or can they? I guess I'll have to tune in Friday to see.

In the meantime, check out a few of the old New Kids tunes on the playlist to get you in the mood for Friday! You can also get a look at them on their website....Here.

I'm interested to see how this comeback goes....

.....while I'm on the subject of music, I was channel flipping yesterday and heard a new version of "Beat It"...the Michael Jackson one, on the radio. Personally, if I were a singer, I wouldn't go near a remake of any song on the Thriller album....isn't it like the highest selling one of all time or something?? Why mess with a good thing?.....(lol, somebody should have told Michael that before he started remaking himself...lol)

....and P.S.....if this post makes no sense chaulk it up to sleepless nights :

A new look at Mom.....

...a week or so ago my niece, Rachel (8 yrs), and I sat on my couch as she held Lilah. I can't remember exactly how it came up but somehow our conversation drifted to nighttime feedings. Rachel said, "You mean you have to get up and feed her during the night???"

I said, "yeah, usually two or three times."

She said, "dang!"

I said, "You didn't know your Mom did that when you were a baby?"

She shook her head.

I said. "Oh yeah, she did......see, you should ALWAYS be nice to your mother. She does a lot for you!"

She nodded.

I think she might have gained a whole new insight on motherhood.


Tell your mom you love her today. She did get up in the middle of the night to feed you, which I'm sure she didn't mind too much, and that was probably one of her easier tasks of motherhood before you were all grown up.

Say it Ain't So!

...so there are some things you NEVER want to hear your hairdresser say. I heard two of them this week.

1." Sally recalled several of their flat irons. They were frying people's hair".


This explains why I had to hear the next one.


2. "If I cut it any shorter it will look like a mullet."


Don't bother asking to see pictures....it ain't gonna happen!


p.s.....please say a prayer for my sister Crystal and her hubs Chris. They are currently on a plane headed for Hawaii where they will stay for 10 days, and to say Crystal was nervous about the 13 hour plane ride would be more than an understatement!

......and hopefully a hair miracle will take place and by the time she returns to take my Mother/baby photos with Lilah my hair will be back to it's previous length so the curls will look more like curls and less like,....well, like feathers.

HA!

Goodness Gracious.......

......this grill is on fire!! Seriously! The one day during the week when I have actually got it together enough to grill myself a burger for lunch, and grill some for supper too, I nearly manage to burn the house down!

This all happened on Wednesday of this week. I have this "special" recipe for fabulous hamburgers and had been wanting one for a while, so I thought I'd go ahead and grill them for lunch and then I'd have time to spare before church that night. This was not to be!

I had them on the grill, which my husband got for Father's Day last year, and had came in the house to get my spatula, when I realized there were flames in the bottom of the grill...........where the PROPANE tank is! Uh OH!

So I immediately grab the fire extinguisher from the kitchen and just as I'm about to pull the pin I think, "what if this makes the propane tank explode?" I wasn't sure how to put how a propane involved fire,....so I immediately call my husband at work...(did I mention he is a fireman? I just knew he'd have some "expert" knowledge on the subject!)

Our conversation went like this:

(Me) "THE GRILL IS ON FIRE, THE GAS TANK IS ON FIRE WHAT SHOULD I DO?!!!!!!!"

(Mr. Fireman) Okay, bye!

(Me) stare blankly at phone. He hung up!

(Me)after I redial him: YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO DRIVE HERE!!! WHAT DO I DO??

(Mr Fireman) PUSH IT OFF THE PORCH!!!

(Me) WHAT IF THAT MAKES IT EXPLODE?? (it would be landing on concrete) DO I USE THE EXTINGUISHER OR WATER TO PUT IT OUT???

(Mr. Fireman) WATER!

(Me) LOVE YOU, BYE! ( I had to say "love you" because what if I exploded myself?)

Anyway, I did get the fire out and my husband, (did I mention he is fire CHIEF??) sent another fireman who was in my area to check on us (thank you Aaron!). I'm glad he did because I did have enough sense to turn off the gas, after I put on my long oven mits, but I wasn't about to move it off the porch!

But thankfully fireman Aaron did this for me.

All I could think of was Carter standing there watching me through the window (what if I caught myself on fire with him watching???).... he normally is right on my heels but when I saw the fire I screamed at him to get back in the house and I think he was afraid to move!



Needless to say we did not get to have our burgers.......and won't for some time!

Big Miracles, Little Packages!

Update: Tyler and Taylor have arrived! Both Mom and babies are doing great! They both weighed 5 pounds and something ounces, but my info came via men so I don't have the exacts yet, only that everyone is doing great!

Thank you so much for your prayers!!


...so I have a bit of a request from you guys. I know that there are some serious prayer warriors out there and I would love it if you could show a friend of mine some "blog world love" of the prayin' variety!

I have a precious girlfriend who has wanted to become a mom for years now and has gone through so so much to become one.

Well, God has shown out big time! She will be delivering her twin boys on Thursday of this week!!!!! Just in time to celebrate Mother's Day! Isn't that just awesome???

She will be delivered via C section at 8:45 AM EST on Thursday morning and I would love it, and she would too, if you would lift her and her precious babies up in prayer! So please help me as I pray for Jeff & Alicia and their babies Tyler & Taylor! The pregnancy itself is an answered prayer for so many, including myself, and I feel so blessed to have been able to share in being pregnant with Alicia, and look so forward to watching our little ones grow up together!

For those of you who know them, you know just how precious this couple is and I know that you will join me in praising God for this miracle in their lives!! If you want to leave a comment for them, Alicia has my blog addy and I will be glad to pass any comments along to them as well!

Thank you girls!! (and guys,....I know you're out there!)

Twenty Three Months + One

23 Months

(05/01/08)

Dear Carter,

It is so hard to believe that next month my post will not be a "month" post, but a "2 years" post. It is amazing to me that 23 months have passed with you brightening our lives every single day. From the first day that we brought you home, things in our house would never be the same! Mama and Daddy fell in love with you at first sight!

Lately you have so many new things to say. If you hear it, you say it.....which isn't always good! For example, just the other day you dropped something and I heard you say, "oh sh**". I stopped in my tracks! "Good grief! Where did he hear that?" I finally convinced myself that you must have said something else because I knew you didn't hear that from me or daddy. Then you said it again,.....and again. I'm not really sure where you picked that up, but I do have a few suspects I will be checking with!! You also have been cracking us all up with your version of "where did Lilah come from?" your response? "Chattanoogy"....Well, that IS where we went to get her!

You also have loved getting to go to Lilah's well baby visits. You ADORE Dr. Jeanie, and she adores you. You always stroll through the long hall to the exam rooms calling..."dooooctorrrr Jeeeeeeanie!!"..lol! And she calls to you from her office....."Hi Carter!" She told me you are the ONLY not even 2 year old who knows her name and calls her by it!

Today we had lunch with your buddies (and ours!) Old Glenn (as you call him...and it fits!), and Phyllis (which sounds like "Fill It" when you say it) and Kenneth (who you call Kenny) and Tammy, and you loved every single moment of the attention you got! Then you got to ride in a "Big Truck" with Papa and Daddy, not to mention that you got to show off your new baby sister and get some kisses from KayLee & Karolina ( who you call Kay Kay) and Aubree and baby Clay at church today. I'd say you have had a full day!

In the last month I have watched you go from a baby to a real bonified "big boy" with such joy and grace. You love your baby sister so much and don't want to be away from her for long! In a little less than a month you will be two, and these have been the best two years of my life. I look so forward to watching you grow and learn and play with your baby sister.

I love you Carter,

Mama

One Month

(05/02/08)

Dear Lilah,

It's so hard to believe that you have already been with us for a month! You are the sweetest baby I could have ever imagined. You have such patience with your big brother! You just let him hold you (which can't be alot of fun for you at this point but he sure loves it!) and kiss on you (kinda hard sometimes!). You don't mind being laid down when he needs a little extra love and attention from Mom.

Rarely do you cry. Mostly it's just a grunt or two here and there when your hungry and that's it! You sleep alot still but when you do open those big eyes you take everything in. Watching your brother as he performs his every talent for you at his highest volume. You take it all in stride.

I cherish our time together. I love the night time feedings when we are the only ones awake in the house. I adored nursing Carter for as long as I did (10 months), and hope that I can do that with you. He has rarely sat still in my lap for long at all since then.

I look so forward to watching you grow and learn, Lilah. You are a true joy and blessing to all of us! Mama, Daddy and Carter love every moment with you. I thank God for my beautiful, healthy family every single day.

I love you Lilah,

Mama

Diaper cream as hair gel

Little Doll!

Oh. My. Goodness!!

Q.T. anyone?

Does anybody remember the old self tanning products from the 70's and 80's? Q. T. I believe it was called? Myself and my sister, and probably even my mother have a pretty vivid memory of the stuff due to the fact that my nosey little self, and my nosey little sister decided once that we wanted to Quick Tan just like mom.

We ended up being about the color of rust.

For days.


Lovely.


So, a few weeks ago,....prebaby...pre lack of sleep...I decided to buy myself some gradual self tanner for after baby when my body image is completely shot (not that it was great at any point, but all you moms get my drift!) because everybody knows any body looks better tanned,....right? And since I do not tan unless my freckles manage to connect themselves and I refuse to use a tanning bed (because I've HAD a skin cancer removed and it was NOT fun!) this gradual self tanner seemed to be the perfect answer............at the time.


Let me just leave you with this image:

Sleep deprived.

Barely getting a shower.

Decides to use gradual self tanning lotion.

NOT a pretty sight.

yeah, go ahead and say it.

"ya big barely showered sleep deprived QT'd Dummy!"

Needless to say, I will not be leaving the house for a few days.

Our newest resident....

.....so you all know that Lilah is here, but maybe you're wondering how things are going since the new addition arrived on "The Farm"? Well, let me just share a few things....

* Carter adores her. ADORES her! The first place he goes every morning is to the bassinet. I don't really know how much Lilah enjoys this since the first thing Carter says to her is..."Lilah,...WAKE UP!!"..lol

*She is such a sweetheart. She almost never cries and when she does, it's one little cry then she's done. If she didn't look so much like her brother, I'd wonder if they gave us the wrong one.

* I wouldn't remember whether or not they gave us the right one either. I developed some complications after the C section and don't remember much of anything on the day she was born or the day after...and not much the day after that! Thank you God for a healthy baby, and for a healthy mommy...and a fabulous nurse and doctor!!!!

*Carter wants to hold her at least 30 times per day. When he isn't holding her then he must show her how he dances, how he plays with his tractors, etc, etc, etc..... He thinks she has been sent here to be his audience of one and that he is totally the star of the show. I hope she likes the entertainment!

*Lilah poops projectile poop. Carter thinks it's the coolest thing there ever was. Mommy has to learn to get out of the way!

*Carter has some sort of coughy, snotty nose thing, which the Dr says is viral (which apparently is good??) and Lilah is coughy and snotty too (Dr says this is probably mostly newborn reflexes????).......this really wears on mommy's nerves since a sick (or reflexy) newborn is a new thing for me. Carter didn't so much as cough until he was 18 months old!!

*Lilah is a big cousin! My first cousin, Emily, who is just a couple of months older than I am, gave birth to a little boy, Koen Micah, on April 6! Just 4 days after Lilah! Isn't that too cool??

*One last thing, (sorry this one is short, but it's literally taken me 3 days to manage to sit down long enough to type this much), for those of you wondering how her name is pronounced, it's like Delilah, (the one in the Bible) only without the "De".

Thanks for all the emails and well wishes! Hopefully I won't go a week and a half before blogging again!

Lilah has arrived!!!

Lilah Rae made her appearance on April 2, 2008 at 7:28 AM!!! She weighed 7 pounds, 6 ounces and was 20 inches long. She is a beautiful, healthy baby girl who rarely ever cries (so far!!). I will post more later but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting for some pics of Carter's new baby sister.....and let me tell you, he is one proud big brother!!!