"There Is Hope"

......That's what the sign said. "What sign?", you ask.

Yesterday morning I had a doctors appointment and as I will probably do before every visit until I can actually feel this baby move, I basically prepare myself for the terrible news that I just know I'll hear. I put away all evidence of the pregnancy before I leave home, and usually make sure my house is all clean just in case I have to stay for a D&C and need someone to bring me some things. I torture myself, basically. I have had many people offer to go with me to my appointments, but you see I don't talk on the way. At all. Ever. The only person I can seem to tolerate is my sweet husband because he understands that I just want him there. Silent. No need for mindless conversation on these days, no idle chit chat. No. Only prayer, silent pleading with God for the health and safety of this baby. Prayers of thanks for the blessing of this pregnancy, when we barely dared to dream of one baby, can we even begin to now hope for a second?

So, yesterday I went to my appointment alone and as I was exiting the interstate waiting for the light to turn green so I could turn on to the street toward the office, God sent me a message. I know He had been listening to my prayers because His message was clear to me. I saw it when I glanced in my passenger side view mirror. A large billboard on the side of the interstate with a beautiful baby that says "There Is Hope". The billboard is an ad for The Fertility Clinic. The very one we spent thousands of dollars with and didn't get results. At least not the results we'd wanted. WHEN we wanted them. God had a plan, we just had to wait on Him, and now he's telling me There IS hope.


I made it to my appointment and for only about the second time in the 4 years I have seen Dr. H had to wait about 30-45 minutes. When I finally got in for an ultrasound, he kept saying that he was seeing a shadow. He said this several times and then finally changed the cover on the machine and again, the shadow. I was near tears at this point and said,...but do you see a heartbeat?...He said, Oh yes, but this shadow......I can't seem to get a good picture. Well, I clearly wasn't thinking on the same level as he because when he said, "I do have a heartbeat, but I can't guarantee it's just one, come back in two weeks and we should be able to tell for sure." I nearly fell clean off the table. Were it not for the vision of my naked rear having to be hoisted up off the floor by the medical staff, I might have fallen, but that vision snapped me right back to reality!

Boy, is there EVER hope! God is sooooo Good! Whether there is one baby in there or 2 or 3 or dare I say 4...(gulp) I will rejoice and be thankful for this blessing! Now, I just need to make it past the 12 week mark and I can relax a bit more! One bit of really good news is that I am not quite as far along as we thought, and God basically allowed me to catch this pregnancy at it's very beginning. So my progesterone shots started within days of conception, which is a rare and awesome blessing for someone who was floating through life not even thinking of becoming pregnant. (which was a blessing in itself for someone who thought about it constantly for 7 or 8 years)

A bit of a funny side note for you: Last night during our youth class at church I was asking that they continue to pray for us and told them what the Dr said. Casey G. a 16 year old boy in my class who is the oldest of 5 (the youngest 2 of which are twins) said. Well, isn't this like your 4th pregnancy? (I had no idea he was keeping track) I said yes. He said, "well, did you know you are much more likely to have twins in your 4th or 5th pregnancy?" ...ummm no I didn't know that, nor would I have ever in a million years expected to learn it from a 16 year old boy in a Wed night youth class!! How funny! This is why I love being involved with the youth! You just never know when they are gonna knock your socks off!

To say that I am Thankful doesn't even begin to describe my joy today. There Is Hope!